I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
