halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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