6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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