I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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