i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
