we have pet lesbian snakes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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