And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
