and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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