About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
