I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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