i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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