How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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