After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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