Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
