how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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