The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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