i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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