Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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