i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I came so hard my ears popped.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
