A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
