Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
