so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have aggressive nipples.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
