why didn't you poke me back
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
