woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
