maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
