Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
