Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
