yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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