so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
