shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
