I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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