So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
