just survived the first fart of the relationship.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He felt like a one man threesome
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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