Who did Billy Mays play for?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
