I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
