So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
