just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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