I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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