I want to stick my p in your. b.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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