It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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