also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
