Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
