please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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