Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
two words: eviction party
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Hippo gnu deer
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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