dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
