thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
