I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
