two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
