I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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