She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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