You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
