I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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