yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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