Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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