party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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