My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
