Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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